yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
