Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
