did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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