sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
