he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
