it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
