apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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