If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
