i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize