Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
