happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
