I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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