I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Farmville is her only friend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
