In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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