Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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