this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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