I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need water and some morals
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
