if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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