I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
