Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
