I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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