I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
