I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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