Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
