i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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