why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
