I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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