So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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