he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
