So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
