i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
