I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
