She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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