dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
