Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
