I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
