they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
