Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
