I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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