Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
