She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
