i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
