you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
