I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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