I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
time to smoke my breakfast
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
