After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
