If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
