Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
