I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
