Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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