If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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