8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
