and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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