i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
