My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
