can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
