My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
