First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
