Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
