Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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