This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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