what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
