Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
