I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
