it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
