"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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