we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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