dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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