Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
