Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
