Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need water and some morals
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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