I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
