my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
