Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
