Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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