the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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