I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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