Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
