Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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