like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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