Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
