They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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