I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
