If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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