Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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