I am puke
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
