I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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