You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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