Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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