I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
