I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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