I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
