So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
