She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They have beer where we have blood.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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