I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
