i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
